The 9 phases of love.

Read the introduction.

A theory that works for me, by me.

For this episode I ask that you use the word love in the romantic sense – verses familiar love or friendship or loyalty or all of the other types.

I figure I have been in 9 different stages/phases/states of love. The first stage is *unknowing… this lasts until another stage – *Returned Love. Only when your love is returned or reciprocated do you really know what love is. Some spend their entire life not knowing what love is. I remember at 12 practicing the line, “I haven’t been in love before, but I think this is it.” I never used the line and it took another 4 years before I had any sort of concept of love.

Once you think you know love then you can see my other stages. When you *love another (with or without that person’s knowledge) or when you are *loved yourself (with or without knowing that you are the object of affection).

Then, there are certain states of lovelessness. The first state is illustrated by having a *void - the feeling of nothing – not wanting to love and having no one to love. Another state is that of the *status quo, keeping what is there (maybe a romantic love that has turned into friendship) and not needing to change it.

You can be *losing love and feel good feelings slipping away. You can be *searching – for anyone, someone, all by yourself – with no one in mind. You can also have someone in mind, who has you in mind… but it hasn’t reached a point where you can say, “I love you”. We call it *falling for good reason. That is my favorite stage, but unfortunately it is usually preceded by searching – which is very hard, or it can cause the ruin of another relationship.

Love States –
Unaware of
In
Wants
Is Wanted
Out
Continuing the Status Quo
Falling out
Searching
Falling in

And you can easily be in multiple states simultaneously – such as falling in and out and being admired - all at the same time.

Those are the ones I have experienced, I know there are many more of which I have no concept. Marriage, children, and multiple consensual partners are factors, again, that I could not speak to. I have felt nearly all of these in the past year, but the theories come from my whole life and listening to others. The year has been good, hard, and painful… life – in all of it’s glory; fast and slow, good and bad. This little entry is not specific to anyone; it is just a compilation of thoughts brought on by a few books I am currently reading. The only specific part is that this is what I think and feel, and I have been on all sides of the yearning, requesting, and rejecting. Those of you who know me know that I don’t share these thoughts easily or often. I am currently in the state of searching in nearly every facet of my life. It may be a quarter life crisis… but I would rather have it now than continue to flounder for the next 25 years.

These states have so much to do with timing. It is the hardest when the poor timing includes a different belief system or set of morals. What one person thinks is fun, and exciting may be bad and terrifying for another. Though, obviously, there is still a part in both people that enjoys the love, or lust (a whole separate conversation), relationship a great deal… if certain rules are not being followed, there can be a great deal of guilt and confusion. Those relationships cannot work without a drastic changes by at least one of the parties… usually the person that says some version of no.

There is always room for love. No one has ever been too busy or too far away to be loved. However, to know you are being loved and don’t think you would be able to return it, it is often enough to reject any possibilities. It is always much safer to stay in the current state because it is known. The unknown is scary. Then again, nothing extraordinary happens in the known. Without change there is no movement, without movement there is no excitement, without excitement… well, what’s the point? Safety? OK, I buy that. Safety. Good for you. It bores me. How else would I be writing this from a train in the mountains, by saying no?

I like the idea of a “yes, and” lifestyle. The stories are always better. No leads to less, which leads to boredom, which leads to wasted time. And time is the one thing you can never buy back, no matter what you have.

The real questions are – are they all love? Can you be an inactive / unknowing lover? Is love only good when it is returned? Can joy be found in all states as long as one person is happy within another state? And… Can you be happy without love?

I can see the last question getting people upset – yes, of course… I can be productive, I can make a difference in the world, have friends and family that care and love me, I go out all of the time, I am constantly learning, teaching, whatever…

I guess we would have to open the whole “what is happiness” box which is very quickly followed by, “what is the meaning of life” quandary. It probably depends on individual priorities, however it is not en vogue to allow people to have their own belief systems when something has “worked well” for another. There are many classes, groups, religious sects, political parties, and individuals that are trying to enforce a lifestyle that has worked for them. I don’t like to be forced into anything, and I won’t force my beliefs down anyone’s throat. I may on occasion tell you what I am thinking, really – just to see if anyone is in the same boat out there, so that we can all search and learn together. No one knows the answers for everyone, but if they know the answers for themselves they may be able to help others find their own path.

Yeah, this is what happens when you ride a train, I guess… no wonder the books were so good in the time of ships traveling around the world. Life goes just slow enough to get what you need done, and fast enough where I couldn’t move this fast by myself.

Thanks for listening.

what... actual reporting?

Scott McCellan gets eaten alive.

read the highlights here. (really fun... if you like that scene in "hero" where the guy deflects thousands of arrows and is never hit by one... yet)

read the full briefing here. (plus a video, wee)

really, it is very entertaining, good work reporters.

Introduction

I have decided to change the tone of this blog every now and then. I am going to start adding what I actually think. Until now, with rare exception, I have been, “commenting” on things – news, events, my purdy pictures… but, occasionally from now on I am going to toss in a long wordy entries – read it, don’t, comment, don’t – whatever – it is my way of making sure I am not the only one out there who thinks this way. I know I’m not, I get to have these sorts of conversations with some of my friends – and now I open the conversation to you – unknown I Copy That reader.

They will, hopefully, be short theories or statements taken from my life and my influences. I’ll try not to overreach, and speak beyond my own experiences and observations. Please feel free to call my bullshit.

I am going to try not to excessively quote people because they are not my words and my favorite quotes are often entirely engulfed by the full text – making the quote seem trite out of context.

These aren’t college papers – so they won’t read like one. I am still searching for my writing style… something that is conversational and expressive. Something that sounds like the voice in my head. (the good voice)

I’ll probably keep it to generalizations of ideas and ideals at first… but eventually I’ll get into the juicy disputable stuff… the only problem with the contestable things – is that I might change my mind on those… I am prone to do that… I promise nothing other than an attempt at an honest representation of what I am thinking and feeling right now.

Oh, and I will still make pithy comments and tell a short story or two.

whew.

I'm back.

Things I have realized in the past few hours.

1) people who don't discipline their children have spoiled children, mostly.

b) said children are loud and bang on the back of people's chairs on the airplane

III) I don't mind waiting anymore... sitting on a train for two weeks really takes away that "need to be somewhere"

four) I don't need TV, but boy - the internet still is fun.

huh.

So, I sit in the beauty of apathetic CA
now I'm going back to SF bay.

I'm not a poet, nor was I ever.

anyway, the three days washed over me here.

When I am in NYC I can usually feel news and the world around me, it doesn't happen here. In the city you can feel the rain from the south, the news from across the ocean, and concern - not fear nor worry... but... concern - that's the only word I can come up with right now.

There are so many links and news of world happening - and I can't link, California won't let me.

I would get lost in the lack of seasons.

Another day in Oakland and then I head towards Chicago and Kansas - 'till then,

- your roving "i copy that" author

No one walks in LA

Thoughts regarding the City of Angels...

They have really good radio stations here. I think it is because everyone drives.

People drive like they are in traffic, even when they aren't. The exact same speed, all 5 lanes.

There are lots of sort of famous people everywhere. Don't look at them and say, "How do I know you..."

People walk differently... they saunter.

The weather really is this nice.

You can still have a hangover in California.

... not that... um... yeah. Few more photos added.

choo - choo.

I am in my train... I was about to go to bed when I looked out the window to see another train with "ride the Wi-fi train" on its side. I'm addicted to the internet, but it has been great to be away from my addictions for so long.

I'm catching up on my reading and watching the scenery go by. (for those of you who have read "the Alchemist" and liked it - I highly recommend "Eleven Minutes", by Coelho, as well. It has the same fulfilling a dream/hopeful/fairytale feeling, but it has a storyline dealing with sex - I could go on with an entire book report... I won't - I have many more books to read... anyway -) This country is really amazing. Right now I am in Oakland, California. Tomorrow my dad and I are going to play on an island and then after the day after that I am going to LA for three days.

I'm not going to write much because I really need to get some sleep for my day tomorrow. I am a light sleeper. Very light. When I was camping I would wake up when someone three people away scratched a mosquito bite. Let's just say that a top bunk on a moving train is not my sleeping paradise. Being at the end of the train is beautiful, but the shake... the shake is there.

The train was built in 1927 and has carried English crowned queens to the Kerry/Edwards campaign. It has a full kitchen, dining room, and lounge. Did I mention it was at the back?

Click here for more pictures... these will grow - when I am back. I've taken Way too many photos of train tracks, it's awesome.



weeeee...

Grave circumstances

I'm at home in Minnesota for a few hours before boarding the train, just saying hi, before my internet absence.

I saw this photo, and besides the ... oddness/sadness? of the article, it was weird seeing my first and middle name on a tombstone... oh, and I have to wait until I come back to see 6 feet under, so don't tell me what happened.

"Unlike earlier wars, nearly all Arlington National Cemetery gravestones for troops killed in Iraq or Afghanistan are inscribed with the slogan-like operation names the Pentagon selected to promote public support for the conflicts."


tah tah, for now.

So much time and so little to do...

wait, no, strike that - reverse it.

Bizzaro Chad is on the loose.

This weekend Bizzaro Sporty Chad went to saw the Vikings get trounced by the Jets in a Pre-Season game in New Jersey. The most fun part was the tailgating, even though it started to rain, Sporty Bizzaro was crafty enough to set up a tent on the back of his car.

Then Sporty Chad went to the beach and played wiffle ball. He played baseball in highschool... no, he sat on the bench and watched people play baseball, and then ran for the slow ones, then he played golf.

Anyway, Bizzaro Unpopular Chad realized that though he may like the ocean, the water, the coast, the beach, sand castles, frisbee, and lounging... he doesn't like the sand. His shower was broken when he got home and had to sleep (for the second time in a month) sandy. Not the awesomest. This is the same unpopular chad that doesn't really like seinfeld or curb your enthusiasm... U.C. doesn't speak up much about the things he doesn't like - he may get shunned.

JetSetting Chad is leaving tomorrow for a train trip that will take him from Minnesota to Oregon to California through the desert back to Minnesota to Chicago and will end in Kansas City. Probably no internet. Probably few posts. We'll all cry a tear together... 1...2..tear - good one.

Bizzaro Responsible Chad has to pay bills, pack, get ready to move out of his office, get photos together from his last shoot, clean, call the landlord, and bring his car in to be fixed. This is all before he turns back into Sporty Frat Bizzaro and watches football with his newly engaged friend.

Congratulations

My best friend got engaged tonight.

It's really good.

You can send him an email of congratulations here.

I have spent around two hours looking for a picture I took of them... I just can't find it - this is what happens when you have three computers and an external drive. I'll find it later - till then, the cute couple is on the left.

lil' update

my sister and I went to a few museums, saw a broadway show, bought new shoes, visited friends, and went out a bit.

Tomorrow I am going to a Vikings game, next I will go to a birthday celebration in the bronx, then I shoot a play, then see a play, then go on a train trip from Minnesota out to Portland to Oakland (where we will stay for a bit - and I might visit friends in LA) then back through the desert to MN and then Chicago and Kansas City.

yup.

oh, and I am going to become a member of Union Docs and have my Studio in their large gallery space, weeee.



oooh, and I got a new camera

buzy buzy bumble bee

My sister is in town. Must entertain and sleep and pretend to work. till my next real post, have some photos from the weekend and news.

Japan's champion speed-eater has won his second contest in two days by ingurgitating 100 roasted pork buns in 12 minutes in Hong Kong.

remember the bank robbery?
- Police said on Thursday they had detained two men in connection with Brazil's biggest bank robbery after stopping a truck loaded with cars they believe were purchased by the newly rich thieves.

A man was shot by police twice in the same shoulder at two different times on the same night.



http://global.yellowarrow.net/



go, spear dance party, whoo hoo.

great.

I can't sleep. I'm in connecticut on a screen porch, it is 530 am. it is quite pleasant.

Until I come across this.

"President Bush said on Israeli television he could consider using force as a last resort to press Iran to give up its nuclear programme."

yup. sounds familiar.

Don't worry, just think about hot dogs and dumplings and, "Takeru Kobayashi polished off 83 of the steamed vegetarian dumplings in eight minutes" And, figured out all those global warning problems, "A dispute over whether global warming is really happening may have been caused by the placement of sensors on weather balloons when studies were done in the 1970s, researchers said on Thursday"

I'm just going to watch the sunrise for the second day in a row. Silly me.

moving on.

yesterday is over. Found the car. The play was good. Went out for a nice (it's fricken' hot outside) drink, came home, and talked on the phone like a seventh grader. Remember when you had to sneak downstairs to call someone... pre-cell phones. Kids today have it so easy.

Now I am leaving soon to go to a dance party in connecticut. whoop. whoop. whooping it up.

(oh, and another person got locked out of my office building... it seems they changed the code without telling him... they still haven't told me)

"the good times are killing me.
enough hair of the dog to make myself an entire rug."

Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

it started yesterday.

Today I want to visit another studio. On the way I get into another car crash. I'm totally selling it. It's over. I park it behind a truck, outside of the building. Look at the office/studio spaces, they are OK. I come out and my car is gone. Yes, gone. When I ask the guys sitting at the corner, and in my half hour of absence, they tell me that my car was towed.

I'll let that sink in.

I call 311. wait. transfer. wait. nope... try this number. wait. transfer. nope, try THIS number, rude lady, hung up on. Go back to the scene, nothin'. Ask officer, walk, walk, walk, police give me two more numbers. call. wait. transfer. nope. call. wait. nope.

I'll try again soon. My car is lost in yellow tape.

I like to think that there are good sides to all of this bad, too. With all of the walking I got some good sun and exercise. I also tried another place for my office - and it is amazing, bigger - cheaper - and closer to the subway... but I think someone else will grab it first. But I am now fairly secure with the idea that I am leaving my old place - though it had some cool back drops - it isn't good enough.

Hopefully this will only be a 24 hour curse, which means in an hour or two, after I pay and retrieve my car, it will be over. I hope, because I am going to see a play tonight, and if it was as bad as the band I saw last night there will be blood spilt, and I can't say who the owner of said blood will be...

con artist and an idiot

I've just given my month's notice at my office. Please let me know if anyone knows of a suitable photo studio for rent or purchase.

(I have to type fast because I have to leave soon)
I get to the office, the elevator doesn't work, I call my contact - he starts telling me about the fire department and that the door should be open. someone comes outside 5 mins later and tells me that the owner of the building wants to speak to me. It seems that my guy was breaking the law by allowing people to live here. She wants us out, so she is locking them out... they let me in. She asked me how well I knew the guys I was renting from. I told her we had already had "issues". Shes said - "yeah, one of the guys is really slick, a con artist, the other guy - I don't know what his deal is, he's an idiot." Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. I needed a place closer to a subway anyway.

sniff.

Mr. Authority

I feel like I should post something... I think it is because I am actually getting hits as of late - I think because I have the possibility of being bachelor #2. And people are doing their googling homework, good work kids.

yup.

even the news is so-so. These guys robbed a bank of $68 million by tunneling, that's pretty cool...

yup.

Let me leave you with something my father taught me. I have a friend that "knows everything". like, even more than me - crazy. It's not that he is smart or even all that worldly... he just is always one-upping people. If he can't one up you, he'll give you random facts to belittle you. I've never heard him say, "I don't know" (probably because he doesn't leave space for questions). Growing up my father had some acquaintances like that. We called them "Mr. Authority". Always the Authority on Everything.

that's all. you can giggle next time you meet Mr. Authority... because we all know them - they are out there, waiting to impress with vast knowledge. (oh, and if anyone thinks I am talking about them - I'm not. Just to have that thought means you are not Mr. Authority)

honor.

thank you for being part of the golden age of news.

Peter Jennings dies of lung cancer.

News Stuff.

So, this "jet" lands in the water and people live. wow. I didn't think that ever happened - it didn't - it was a 2 prop 42 seater. (CNN has now changed "jet" to "plane" in its article) It's still fantastic when people survive*. (old post about flight)

Not news: I spent today mourning a fictional character. Six Feet Under. Good show.*

Amazingly, "Republican Sen. Rick Santorum ... said intelligent design, which is backed by many religious conservatives, lacked scientific credibility and should not be taught in science classes." First Frist takes a baby step left, and then Santorum? What's goin' on here? The White House shuffle?

Oh, don't get too worried, there are still the history revisionists out there, "

Rumsfeld also paid tribute to the 21 Marines killed this week in Iraq, including the 14 killed Wednesday by a single roadside bomb near the city of Haditha in western Iraq.*

``Patriots, they were determined to stop the terrorists from reclaiming Iraq and from launching more attacks on our people,'' he said."

Oh, OOOHHHH, I remember now, THAT'S what we are doing in Iraq, stopping Iraqis from attacking us AGAIN, duh.

*I don't mean to take death lightly - it is most often very tragic and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers a great loss... When I was training for Wilderness First Responder the instructor asked us a question, "What is the same thing about every one of your patients? ... They all die". (at some point or another - mortality) He was doing this to help prepare us in case of a fatality - so that we didn't take it personally if they died during our care. I feel like death, the act of dying, and mourning are not things discussed openly by our culture, and I think that denial may create even more pain in the end... I don't know.

Tick tock

I am waiting for my first ever, full price, stranger... so that I can take his headshots. I think that means I am allowed to say, with full confidence, "I am a photographer".

At the end of this month I will be doing a "shoot out" fundraiser. I will be shooting half an hour sessions one after another and a theater company will be getting most of the cash. I, however, get a little street cred, and maybe some new clients. Should be fun.

I am getting camera envy. I've got most of the lenses I need (minus one fish eye or super wide angle), but the "speed" of the film isn't quite what I want it to be...

My friend, Sam Bassett, is planning an amazing trip around the world taking photos for a book and video for a documentary. Visit his site and go to his gallery opening (7pm - 7am, sept 9th) - besides having great photos he is a great guy... and the one that made me realize that I could just "become" a photographer, thanks.

Internet. Stud.

I am virtually sexy, totally.

So, the other day I refound my "hot or not" site, and I guess I'm not as hot as I thought. However, I remembered another personals site from the onion - it was suprisingly still active. Now, I have never gone on a date with someone I have met on the internet... infact I've never been on any sort of blind date. So a restarted it.

Now, what I have noticed over the past week - I seem to befriend only girls with piercings in their nose on the internet... why is that? I think I must be compatible to nose studs - or at least the personality that would have one... I don't think I put it down on any preferences, or on my blog or flickr... huh.

You know those games in People Magazine, and the like, where you choose a star by their eyes? let's play with noses, see if you can pick out yours!



Now, part two of my own studlyness started with friendster... I received a message from a stranger, which doesn't happen often. It starts,

"Hi Chad,

This is a bizarre question, I realize, but I work for
the dating section of a large NYC newspaper. I
noticed that you mentioned you're single and
interested in meeting someone (or, hey! getting a
free meal at a fabulous restaurant!), so I wanted to
see if you'd be interested in participating."

my gut reaction - never. but then I asked what paper and mentioned that if I were to do it I wouldn't want to be exploited and that I would be a terrible reality tv star because I am way too honest. She responded with, "Thanks for your message. It's for the NY Post, and if you go to nypost.com/dating, you'll be able to see what it looks like. If you're still interested and
want to participate then, let me know and I will email you a questionnaire!"

I'm totally going to do it, I hope they accept me.

This is the same "paper" that during the weekend some friends remarked, "I don't know how to read this paper. Where is the news" and, "This is all that is wrong with society- illustrated in this daily tabloid."

I could see how this entry might take me out of the running, hopefully they won't find it - but they seem crafty - they even invited a person who writes a blog commenting on the article to be part of the article.

Wish me luck, and I'll keep you updated.

Now, unrelated to my own virtual magnetism - last night I had a few adult beverages... I didn't drunk dial, or inebriated email (which I am trying to coin) but I may have "tipsy texted" (how's that? I'm trying to coin another term - tanked texting? trashed texted? I'll work on it). This morning I looked for some soothing beverage to help me and in honor of Mr. McQ I had blue bawls. They now have clear, sugar free bawls. This stuff preceded redbull and I believe to be far superior.



It saved my life on many a changeover, literally. We even ordered shirts, I lost mine and miss it desperately. Cheers, I'm going to try and work my mojo.

Mac is good.

Finally. The biggest problem, no - only problem I have had with Macs in general was their lame-ass mouse. These are the people that invented the mouse and they never made a two button mouse, duh.

They did it and, of course, it is smarter than all the other mice out there. Now this isn't a big deal for everyone, but those of us who work with images on the computer - it's awesome. What they have done is made the scroll ball move anywhere in the document. Say you are working in the top left and need to go to the bottom right... usually you would have to move the mouse over to the scroll bars, go down, then go down to the bottom scroll bar and move that over... no more, just move yer little finger, tah dah!

Ah, I know this is way, way dorky - but anything that saves time and annoyance is good.

I am still waiting for everything from Minority Report to become available.

"WASHINGTON, DC—The White House denied rumors of wrongdoing by anyone named Karl Rove Monday, saying the alleged deputy chief of staff does not exist.

"To my knowledge, no one by the name of Karl Rove works for this president, his staff, or for that matter, anyone on earth, since he is not a real person," White House press secretary Scott McClellan told reporters Monday."

blogs are funny things... part 7

Parts 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6.

I think I may have come up with a brilliant idea.

I was thinking of starting an anonymous blog so that I could write about all of the juicy, fun, embarrassing, family and friends related events. Then I realized that wouldn't really be fun for anyone who didn't know these people or events. And, once I told someone I wanted to read about my exploits I could never write things about that person. drat.

I could thinly veil my entries so that they would have meaning to only a few people... maybe use adjectives as nouns and be tricky like that... I realized this doesn't work so well. I recently was given a few details about other bloggers which clarified cryptic posts and made them seem very sad.

The next stop on my train of thought was having an offline blog (which obviously wouldn't be a web log any more). But I wanted something that would be accessible from multiple places, and who wants to bring their laptop everywhere?

hmm... maybe some sort of portable device for storing thoughts, words - maybe even drawings or poems... without a keyboard... without batteries... maybe made out of paper? and maybe use a pen? YES! a "Paper and pen journaling device" a PPJD, BRILLIANT!

I shall call it a journal or diary... maybe put a little lock on it, I could sell this idea and make tons of money. Awesome.

A new weblog is created about every second.

I know talented people... so there.

someone else already wrote about it, read it here.

a couple of the photos from the weekend.